I have been thinking a lot lately about what I want this little blog space of mine to be. And to be honest, I'm not sure I've really figured it out yet.
Between home improvement projects, work and potty training, this blog has taken quite the back seat... actually more like the trunk... no, it's probably more like that weird compartment in your trunk that holds the spare tire. Yep... that sounds more like it... my blog, the spare tire.
As my mind fills with thoughts and ideas for blog post content, I wonder why I can't seem to get my words out of my head and onto my computer. Of course there is the obvious reason... I now have a two year old. Because that would make sense... I mean, chasing a toddler around is a perfectly acceptable reason for not blogging. Heck, I've used the toddler excuse for forgetting to brush my teeth. But the real reason behind my blogging disappearance??
It's a diagnosis I've had for quite some time now, but it presents itself differently during different seasons for me. The paralysis seems to settle in ever so quietly… whispering its subtle lies until I believe them all to be true.
I have a billion unfinished projects around the house… dozens of "draft posts" for this blog… I can spend countless hours looking at other people's "perfect" projects, while never seeming to start my own. Sure, finding time is an issue… it will always be an issue. But finding time doesn’t paralyze me… but the fear of finding failure does.
I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve had this very post drafted for weeks now… going back and forth… re-reading it… making changes… editing my wording… you know, “perfecting” it.
A post about “perfectionism paralysis” and I can’t seem to push the freakin' POST button for fear that it’s not quite “right” yet. I mean, seriously.
So, there you have it.
My blog, the spare tire. It's often ugly, dusty, and never as well-crafted as the other three tires. But it does the job... it is needed... necessary... in all its imperfection, that spare tire, is incredibly important... without it, you can't go anywhere.
That spare tire is perfectly imperfect. Filled with unfinished projects, a neglected blog, and tons of insecurities. And it's great... not perfect... but great... really, really great.